Disconnected

“The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance. It is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, no that. But we are perfectly happy.“ -Mother Teresa

I have been at the Finca for just over two months now and one of the challenges of living in Honduras is being disconnected from my family, friends, and culture. To give you an idea of where I’m coming from and where I am now:

I used to see my friends at college everyday...now I haven’t seen any of them since August. 

I used to be just a phone call or text message away, pretty much all the time... now I’m reachable by e-mail which I’ll get 3-4 weeks later or they can send me snail-mail which will reach me in about the same amount of time. 

I used watch at least a couple movies or TV shows a week... now I watch a movie about once a month. 

I used to check my Facebook account multiple times a day... now I’ve deactivated my Facebook account. 

I used to want to be constantly connected, reachable, in touch... now I’ve realized there are more important things and that any relationship worth having does not rely on being constantly connected but remains connected in thought and prayer. 

Many of you may have noticed that you don’t hear from me as often now. It is not because I don’t miss you or care about you but because I simply don’t have time to constantly be on the internet writing blog posts or responding to e-mails. I expected this adjustment to be hard but I think it’s been harder on the people back home than it has been for me here. For me, it is a freedom not to need to be constantly connected, to put all of my relationships in the hands of God and trust that even though I am far away they will become what they need to be. It is also a freedom not to be constantly sitting in front of the TV in boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a great movie or a witty TV show now and then, but I’ve come to realized that the television has become a sort of “god” in our lives. It’s somehow expected to always provide entertainment, relaxation, or escape no matter how much we use it. Television can do all of those things, but not to the extent that many people use it. I know that back in the States many of you reading this rely on your SmartPhone to make your life run smoothly and Facebook is essential to planning an event. However, during this season of Advent and “season of giving, sharing, caring etc.”, I encourage you to take a step back and reflect on the words of Mother Teresa:

 “The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are.”

Then turn off your TV, computer, SmartPhone, even for just one hour and look around for the people who are waiting for you to give to them even a simple smile as you walk past on the street. Spend some time in prayer or reflection, volunteer at a soup kitchen, bake cookies for a friend, write a letter, or spend some time with someone who is lonely. I guarantee you that it will be more satisfying than the next episode of whatever your favorite TV show is. 

My New Home

I made it to the Finca!!! (Almost a month ago) My life has changed so much in the last month that it’s hard to decide where to start. I have been going through new missionary training and trying to learn all of the nuts and bolts of life at the Finca.

I also have a job!!! I will be serving as a social worker here at the Finca!!! I will be working with a second year missionary who is also a social worker, two Nicaraguan psychologists, a Franciscan sister, and eventually we are hoping to find a social worker to join our team as well. I will be in charge of three houses: Casa 1 (the youngest girls), Casa 3 (the youngest boys), and Casa 6 (the oldest girls). I have been training for my job the past few weeks and will officially begin on November 1st. I am both excited and a little bit intimidated to begin my job. I will also serve as a girl scout leader, tutor, and a member of the spiritual life committee this year.

So what is my life like? I’ve had so many new experiences the last month that it’s hard for me to even know where to begin. In many ways, my life here is too hard to explain, I don’t realize how different it is until I sit down and try to write about it and then I just end up spitting out random snippets such as: I live in a house with 19 other missionaries, I’ve learned how to wash my clothes by hand, I’m learning how to cook over a fire, and I’m learning how to be a social worker. So I guess that’s what this blog is going to be for the next two years random snippets, stories, and thoughts that attempt to describe an experience beyond words.

Goodbye Guatemala, Hello Honduras

Well, it's official, I've finished with my time at language school in Antigua, spent about 15 hours (broken up by a night in Copan) to La Ceiba, and on Monday I will arrive at the Finca. If I could describe my emotions about finally making it to the place where I will be living for the next two years it would be PUMPED!!!
Since my internet access is going to become a lot more limited, I wanted to take a minute to show some of my pictures from my time in Central America so far:

An early morning picture taken from my rooftop in Antigua:

A crowded market in Chichicastenanga: 

 View of Vólcan de Fuego erupting in the distance:

The other missionaries and I hiking in Semuc Champey: 

 A marching band celebrating Independence Day:

 Two of my fellow missionaries and I dressed in Ropa Típica (do we look Guatemalan?):

The stereotypical Antigua picture taken from Cerro de la Cruz:

Ruinas at the church of San Francisco in Antigua:

Honduras at last! Mayan ruins in Copán:

I have already been blessed with many great adventures in Central America, however, I am very excited to make it to the Finca and start doing what I came here to do. Please pray for me as I begin my time as a missionary at Finca del Niño. The next time I write, I'll be at the Farm!!!

Vaya con Dios... Corriendo

Last Friday we participated in a Guatemalan Independence Day tradition known as the “antorcha” or “torch.” As a sign of their independence there is a tradition of running a torch from Guatemala to Costa Rica. It is also a tradition for schools to have their own “antorcha” running through nearby towns and on Friday our school participated in this tradition (above is a picture of me running with the torch) with a 15K run (of which I may have run about half of and carried the torch for all of five seconds). 

The run reminded me of some advice which Sarah Swafford, my Resident Director my freshman year at Benedictine (she's pretty awesome, she has a website now http://www.sarahswafford.com/, and she was on EWTN), likes to pass on in regards to finding your future spouse, “run with God and then see who is running beside you.” This advice always makes me want to literally run for some reason and while I was running on Friday I reflected a lot on what running means in my life. 

Running is a sacrifice, I don’t like doing it, but I’m usually happy that I did afterwards. I remember one time I was running with a group of girls at Benedictine and one of them said she wanted to offer up our run for someone and asked us who if we wanted to offer up our run for anyone. Since then I always offer up my run for someone as a way of uniting my sacrifice to Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and praying for someone in need. Running builds community, if I don’t have someone else running with me I won’t do it but if I tell someone I will run with them most of the time I don’t back out. It’s also a great opportunity to get to know someone better, I’ve often had great conversations while running, especially when we pray and offer up our run together at the start. Running is a time for me to reflect on my relationship with Christ. Thanks to Sarah Swafford, I now associate running literally with metaphorically running towards Christ and often while I am running and thinking about how much my legs hurt I turn my mind towards Christ “am I running to him in my life right now? how fast? how much do my legs hurt?” 

So as I was running this 15K (it was all downhill so don’t be too impressed), all of these things were going through my mind. The group running with the torch would get ahead of me and other people would fall behind so I was stuck in this awkward lonely running by myself state and my legs would be hurting and my lungs would be burning but then I would pass some Guatemalans walking along the street or sitting outside their house and they would cheer for me, and it seemed like they would always cheer louder for me than for the group in front of me, maybe because they could see the anguish on my face caused by the running, or maybe because it looked like I was even more tired than I was because my pale gringa face gets really red when I run. In my run to Christ these people represent the Saints, up in heaven cheering me on, giving me the little extra energy I need to keep running and to smile while doing it through their intercession. Sometimes, I would get tired of running by myself or think my legs couldn’t carry me further. During these times I would hop on the bus that belonged to the school and ride it until we caught up with the group up front (hence why I only ran about half of the 15K). In my run to Christ the bus represents Christ and the sacraments. Sometimes our legs can’t carry us anymore, but during these times Christ carries us. When I got on the bus I would be handed a bag of water to drink. The water was like the Eucharist, replenishing me, giving me strength. Sometimes on our run to Christ we get lost or weighed down in sin and we need the sacrament of Reconciliation to lift off that weight. Sometimes I would get impatient or frustrated with myself because I couldn’t keep up with the faster people in the group. Likewise, sometimes we get impatient because we feel like we aren’t becoming holy fast enough. It’s important to remember that virtue is build one step at a time, through faithfulness to the little things. Little by little we grow and maybe the growth is so small we don’t notice it but eventually, step by step, with the help of others, the Saints, and Christ, we are 15K farther down the road and we’re running faster and faster. 

As for who is running beside me a.k.a “my vocation,” that is not a concern for me right now. I have two years in Honduras which I’m going to use to run towards Christ and when the time does come, that man is going to have to run really fast if he’s going to keep up with me. 

Poverty

One thing that the other missionaries and I have been asked to reflect on in the weeks leading up to our arrival at the Finca is poverty. Poverty is something which is easy to encounter in Central America but often we forget that poverty does not only consist in the physical sense but also there is spiritual and emotional poverty. Mother Teresa often talked about these types of poverty, she reminds us: “There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them. Love them.” 

Poverty is not something reserved for those lacking money, we each have poverties in our own lives and recently I have been reflecting on the poverties in mine: 

1. I am poor in my ability to speak (especially in Spanish). Sometimes when I get frustrated with the mistakes I make while speaking Spanish I have to remind myself that I often make errors when speaking English. 
2. I am poor in my ability to work with young children. Put me in front of a group of children under the age of twelve and I really don’t know what to do with myself, I’ve been slowly learning though. 
3. I am poor in humility (and many other virtues). Some virtues come easier than others. 

(To name a few) 

One of the challenges we are asked to accept at the Finca is that sometimes we will be asked to do things which require us to use our weaknesses rather than our strengths, sometimes our primary job for the year might even be one of the things we feel we are worse at. This is contrary to what we have been taught most of our lives, which is “figure out what you are best at and study that” or “figure out what you enjoy doing most and work on that.” Believe it or not I am excited to get away from this mentality and discover how weak I really am during my time in Honduras. After all, when we recognize our weaknesses we also realize how much we require the help of others and how much we need to trust in God. It is also important for us to remember that not all weaknesses are bad, Jesus reminds us:

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven...” Mt 5:3-11 (RSV) 

Often we who have so much lack what is most important: Love. I didn’t come to Central America to find poverty, as Mother Teresa reminds us, we can always find people who are lacking in love, beginning in our own families, but I hope that during my time here I can learn to recognize what poverty really is, beginning with my own poverty, and I challenge you to find the poverty in your lives, in your friends, and in your families, and combat poverty with love. 

"The deepest desert is the human heart when it looses the capacity for listening, speaking and communicating with God and with others." Pope Benedict XVI

What Am I Doing Here???

Can you believe it’s already September??? I can’t!!!! Speaking of which IN LESS THAN A MONTH I WILL BE AT THE FINCA!!!! (24 days, not that I’m counting)

Last weekend we had our New Missionary Retreat with two current missionaries, the co-founder of Farm of the Child (the story of her and her departed husband’s journey/mission is beautiful and I wish all of you could hear her tell it in person), the director, and one of the Franciscan Sisters from the Finca. I officially feel like a missionary and I CAN’T WAIT to get to Honduras. Last week I said that I would try to give you a snapshot of my weekly schedule in Antigua but recently I have decided that what I am doing here is less important than what I am here to do. 

So what am I here to do? 

1. I am here to be a missionary, to bring Christ to the people who I meet. Of course, in order to bring Christ to others I have to first have Him myself so in order to prepare myself spiritually for my time at the Finca I am trying to make it to daily Mass and adoration as much as possible.
2. I am here to learn spanish. The reality of what it means to be entering into a bilingual community in less than a month really hit me last weekend during our retreat. We had some reflections in english and some in spanish throughout the weekend. One of my main priorities right now is to practice spanish as much as possible before I have to use it all the time. 
3. I am here to be a friend. I am currently in Antigua with four other missionaries who will be with me the entire time I am at the Finca. Right now we are getting to know each other through praying together, playing cards (this includes inventing our own ridiculous card game), attempting to speak spanish together, laughing together, traveling together, and sharing the struggles of being far away from home together. It is important for us to get to know each other now so that once we are at the Finca we can work together as well as have more time to get to know the missionaries who are already there. 
4. I am here to serve in whatever way I am needed. One of the other things we talked a lot about on our retreat is a willingness to serve not only with our strengths but also with our weaknesses. I am already getting a taste of that as I am volunteering at a school for poor children in Ciudad Vieja (a nearby city) a few days a week. My weaknesses are working with children under the age of twelve and speaking spanish and they are certainly being put to use. 

I hope this give you a better idea of why I am in Antigua as well as what I am doing right now. The other missionaries and I are going on a missionary bonding adventure to Coban this weekend. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to learn spanish, get to know each other, and prepare (physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally) for our arrival to the Finca. 

Random Snapshots of My Life at Language School

I’ve been in Antigua, Guatemala for language school for two weeks now and I wanted to take a minute to give you a quick snapshot of my life in list form (because I love lists). 

Things I’m better at: 

1. Getting up in the morning- Sunday I slept in until the late hour of 8:20am, if you know me at all you know that it takes every ounce of willpower I have to get up that early at home. 
2. Eating vegetables- I think that I get served at least half a plate of vegetables every lunch and dinner, I really don’t like vegetables, especially not cooked ones and they’re always cooked, I’m trying really hard to eat them though. 
3. Exercising- two of the other missionaries convinced me to start running with them last week, they both have a goal to run a marathon, needless to say, I cannot keep up but they are really patient and encouraging. Also, Antigua is about 5,000 feet above sea level which is almost as high as Denver. 

Things I miss: 

1. Cooking my own meals- my host mom cooks three meals for me everyday except Sundays when I eat out with the other missionaries.
2. Hot showers- fortunately, we do have a water heater in our shower which usually keeps the water at a temperature ranging from cool to almost comfortably warm. 
3. My friends and family- of course I miss you all but I haven’t been homesick at all and I’ve been blessed with four fellow missionaries to share my joys and challenges with. 

Things I don’t miss: 

1. Doing my laundry- every week we take our laundry to a laundromat where they wash, dry, and fold our clothes for us. We get two pounds for free through the language school, normally I have about eight pounds of laundry for the week (that’s a random fact I never knew before). 
2. Driving to Mass- There are four churches, one of which has a Perpetual Adoration Chapel, within a ten minute walk of my house which is less time than it takes me to drive to church back home. 

My favorite things: 

1. Spanish- I just love hearing people speak Spanish, I wish I was learning it faster though. 
2. Traje Típico- Many of the women here (especially outside of the city) still wear their traditional clothes which are really colorful and pretty. 
3. Fresh tortillas- I get to eat them pretty much every day. 

Next week I’ll try to give you a snapshot of my weekly schedule in Antigua. Please keep me and the other missionaries in your prayers this weekend as we have our New Missionary Retreat with some of the current missionaries from the Finca. 

The Journey Begins

It’s hard to believe that it’s finally here!!! After weeks of excitement, running around like crazy trying to get everything done, tons of goodbyes, and many questions about what in the world I have gotten myself into, I have arrived in Guatemala. It’s hard to believe that one year ago today (well now that I'm posting this yesterday), the Feast of the Assumption, I was in Spain and excited for the start of World Youth Day, which was where I decided that I wanted to go to a Spanish-speaking country to do mission work. This same day many years ago St. Francis Xavier, the other patron of missionaries arrived in Japan, the same day that many years before he had departed from Portugal for India.

Today I arrived in Guatemala for six weeks of language school on my way to Honduras where I will spend the next two and a half years!!! Being far away from home hasn’t hit me yet. For one, I am still in the same time zone (until the US changes times, then I’ll be on central time). Secondly, I have been to Central America before and much of the things I have encountered in Guatemala so far are familiar to me- the language, the smells, the sounds, the rain, the cold (or at most lukewarm) showers, etc. Finally, I already had four new friends, the other missionaries going to the Finca (Farm of the Child) with me, waiting for my arrival. It's great to finally be here!!! Side-note: I sent out my first e-mail update today, if you want e-mail updates from me and are not getting them please e-mail me. 

Saints Therese of Lisieux and Francis Xavier, patron Saints of missionaries, pray for us!

Less than one month...

Right now I am here...

In less than one month I will be here...

(image from Wikipedia)

Sunday was officially the one month mark for my departure to Guatemala for language school on August 15th. Today (Monday), I woke up and had my first "what the heck am I doing?" moment. It was one thing on Sunday to say to myself "I'm leaving in one month," but as I was brushing my teeth this morning I though to myself "I'm leaving in LESS THAN one month" and the LESS THAN seemed much more intimidating.
 So, I immediately snapped into "I'm moving to another country for 27 months in less than one month mode" and I tried to make a list of things that I need to accomplish in less than a month. It looks something like this: 1)finish cleaning room (I've been sorting through everything I've ever owned and getting rid of anything that I'm not taking with me and I won't want when I get back), 2)fundraise, 3)go shopping for random items such as clothes, tennis shoes, a mosquito net, a travel alarm clock that will actually wake me up, LUGGAGE (you would think that someone who in the last four years has travelled to Nicaragua twice, Italy, Costa Rica, and Spain, I would own my own luggage, but I don't, I usually just borrow my parents), 4)fundraise, 5)say goodbye to friends and family, 6)fundraise. Ok, so the list isn't actually that bad, although a side-effect of "I'm moving to another country for 27 months in less than one month mode" is  always thinking "I must be forgetting something." In fact, if I had to leave in a week I'm confident I could get everything done with the exception of fundraising. So, I took a deep breath and decided I should wait to freak out until I reach "I'm moving to another country for 27 months in less than two weeks mode" or "I'm moving to another country for 27 months in the morning and it's 1AM and I still haven't finished packing mode" (which will inevitably happen, I know because I've experienced "I'm leaving for a mission trip to Nicaragua in the morning and it's 1AM and I still haven't finished packing mode," "I'm leaving for college in the morning and it's 1AM and I still haven't finished packing mode,"and "I'm leaving to study in Italy/Spain in the morning and it's 1AM and I still haven't finished packing mode."
So, if any of you were wondering what it feels like to be moving out of the country in less than one month this is how it feels, "what the heck am I doing?," "I'm not ready," "I can totally do this," "Jesus I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you," "I am so going to rock my last month at home," "I'M ABOUT TO HAVE THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!"
I think that random rambling blog posts are also a side effect of "I'm moving to another country for 27 months in less than one month mode."

Alma de Missionera

I wanted to explain why my blog address is almademisionera. When I was in Spain for World Youth Day in Madrid last August one of my favorite songs that I heard was called Alma Misionera. During my discernment of my call to missionary work this past year I often reflected on the lyrics to this song:
Here is the chorus, I translated it into english in the parenthesis:

Llévame donde los hombres  (Lead me where the people)
necesiten tus palabras, (need your words)
necesiten, mis ganas de vivir. (need my desire for life)
Donde falte la esperanza, (where hope is lacking)
donde falte la alegría, (where joy is lacking)
simplemente, por no saber de ti. (simply because they don't know of You)

You can listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEr3Byr1PCk&feature=related
or here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIFZRYXgIoA

Also, I just bought a plane ticket to Guatemala!!! I will be leaving on August 15th, the Feast of the Assumption for Antigua, Guatemala where I will be brushing up on my spanish at language school and bonding with the other volunteers in my missionary class until October when we will arrive to the Farm.

My next adventure...

Since I graduated from high school four years ago I have been blessed with many adventures. I have been on two mission trips to Nicaragua, spent a semester in Florence, and a summer in Seville. Not to mention all of the road trips, weddings, and crazy outings I had while at Benedictine. Now that I am graduating from college in less than I week it is time to begin my next adventure. In August I will embark on a new journey to be a missionary in Honduras. I will be working with orphans through an organization called Farm of the Child. I expect that this will be the craziest, hardest, and most rewarding of all of my adventures so far.
Over the next few months I will reflect more on my preparation for this mission and once in Honduras I hope to continue to inform you of my mission through this blog. I invite you all to join me in my mission through reading my blog and, if possible, offering financial or spiritual support.

"Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always, until the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20